The Rambling Thoughts of a True Neurotic

Mood: A Little Tipsy

Filed under: Tipsy — September 22, 2013 @ 12:56 am

I’ve been sitting on the idea of starting up yet another blog. For years I blogged and just very recently backed up all my old posts (seven years worth) and hit that delete button.

I don’t regret hitting the delete button. Other than the fact that I still have seven years worth of blog posts saved on Google Drive, I finally realized that it was time to delete the blog and give myself a fresh start. For a long time I held back from actually writing what I wanted/needed to write because I was trying to write to my “audience”. Now I realize that that was a mistake.

So I thought I’d start over from scratch, in the safety net of Psych Central as this is the one place online where I can truly feel as though I can be my true self. I don’t have to apologize for feeling depressed and I don’t have to try to put a gloss over my life. It’s my life and when I feel like shit…I’m going to blog about feeling like shit and why I’m feeling like shit.

Today I’m a mixed bag of feelings. It’s the weekend so I should be relaxed but the last two weeks of work have been pretty horrendous and I’m already feeling anxious to go back on Tuesday. I’m usually thankful for the job as it’s such an improvement from my last job…and I worked my ass off to get hired. But still. Keep wondering if my bosses are having second thoughts on hiring me. It’s irrational I know as I’m good at my job most of the time…it’s just whenever something goes wrong, I take a blow to my self esteem and mentally beat myself up and convince myself that I should look into a totally different line of work.

Then there’s the fact that our family is going through a lot of changes. My brother will be getting out of training for the Army this week…then he’ll be moving his wife and daughter to Georgia where he’ll be stationed. I’m afraid that I’ll never see them. My sister in law is moving to California and my brother in law is in China for an undetermined set of time. My best friend lives in Michigan. My parents live in New Jersey. I love my husband, but I cannot depend on him for every emotional need I need fulfilled.

So much is being piled on top of me. I’m surprised I can still breath.


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