The Rambling Thoughts of a True Neurotic

Mood: Tired and Sad

Filed under: Sad,Tired — September 23, 2013 @ 9:25 pm

I slept like shit last night. Part of it was my fault. I knew we needed to get an early start but I did not go to bed until well after midnight. Then hubby came to bed in a “mood” so just when I was falling asleep I was awakened. Then I’m pretty sure the cats woke me up at various parts of the night. And finally the kicker…a weird ass dream that I couldn’t shake all day, that I’m convinced only contributed to the sadness I carried around all day.

Hubby and I drove up to Albany for meetings through the VA. I didn’t really have a reason for going, aside from keeping hubby company on the drive. I spent a good portion of the day trying to keep myself entertained while hubby talked to various people in the VA system that possibly could help his joblessness and money less situation…unfortunately there’s only a small amount of help they could offer, which made the entire day feel like a waste and remind me just how much of a burden I’m dealing with with hubby not having any money coming in. I knew no one there was going to be able to wave a magic wand or anything like that…but I was so sure something helpful would come out of today. Silly me.

After we were finally finished we went to a nearby mall to do some shopping and get something to eat. My heart just wasn’t into it though. Aside from a spice store we barely looked at anything and while we ate at one of my favorite places, my heart just was not into it. Even going into the pet store to look at puppies…something that usually works in turning my mood around, just made me sad as it just made me miss having a dog…especially as they had a Bichon.

My best friend also called today and at first she seemed happy as she had just come from a job interview…but then the conversation switched to issues that she’s been having with her husband. Usually I’m more than happy to work as a sounding board for her, but today it was just too much. I may have lied just a teeny bit and told her that I was having trouble getting a signal while inside the mall. It wasn’t a complete lie. I was having issues. But I didn’t call her back when we were in a better place.

So the dream. I’m bad at remembering the details of this dream but I do remember that it had to do with having a young (as in 1 or 2 year old daughter. It was one of those dreams that feel so real that I woke up, thinking that I needed to find her or something. It’s not as if I an desperate to be a mother but that dream really threw me and I was hyper aware of any baby I saw today.

Then of course I’m sad that my weekend is already over. It feels as though it just began or something…probably because last week I worked four days in a row (instead of three) and it wasn’t a good week…and then I slept most of ¬†Friday and was busy both today and Saturday.

It’s only 9:30 but I’m thinking that it’s time for me to head off to bed.



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